


A Kind of Happiness

by rosemallows



Category: The Boy Who Danced on Air - Rosser/Sohne
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 11:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18072206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosemallows/pseuds/rosemallows
Summary: Imagine all the possibilities we could create for ourselves if we were elsewhere. Imagine being able to choose your own path, to make a world of your own and a place where it's just us and just the feelings of happiness. Imagine just being here with you.





	A Kind of Happiness

There’s nothing here, and to a younger boy who sought for adventure, this place, the path on the mountains, ones that showed you stunning views you couldn’t get from flying kites around barren land. Paiman enjoyed taking in the views and hearing his shouts echo over the incredible mountains. He clutched his beanie much lower over his ears, watching the lights of the far-off city flicker and the yellow of the sun quickly melting into orange. Night was soon approaching and he knew that sooner or later he’d have to start the journey back down to his village.

 

He suddenly felt a hand lightly touch his shoulder, and he jolted, surprised and spun quickly from his seat. The hand retracted instantaneously at his response, and he looked up to meet a pair of familiar round, chocolate eyes and arched eyebrows accompanied with greasy black hair and a denim jacket, wool decorating the collar. _Feda_.

 

He smiled, warmly and teasingly. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” he commented, settling down next to Paiman, who just sighed in relief at who had interrupted his sightseeing.

 

“You were right… it’s peaceful here.”

 

Feda pulled his knees into his chest as he settled down, watching the distant city and more distant mountains.

“I never get tired of the mountains. Singing into them, especially.” The teen fondly smiled at himself, starting to hum gently, and softly as if replaying the times he’d come just to sing his sorrows into the valleys.

 

Paiman sat stiffly, like all of him suddenly had trouble moving properly. In recent events, he found this a common occurrence, which he did not quite enjoy. For he enjoyed moving freely and confidently, to make any move his own. But in this moment, hearing his friend sing so quietly to him and the touch of his skin so light against him when there was all the spaces he could sit around this land, it made all of him refuse to move along.

 

For the past few days, he recalled trying to trace back in his mind why this odd feeling of—lightness, fluttering, hope, and pure happiness. Not at all was it a dismal emotion, it seemed to occur over the course of months, and formed into this huge mass of mini feelings; all consisting of the light, flutter, hope, happiness, and millions of other emotions. The thing was— it was something _different_ and slightly terrifying, because he hadn’t felt this much joy in his life before, and it felt so amazing, what with the odd little mini-feelings that came with happiness.

 

This kind of happiness was different than other happinesses, like finding a hidden treasure that suddenly became precious to you. That did not consist of all these miniature emotions. It was fearsome; how could this possibly be, when he was never taught of this? Taught about— odd little emotions and plus bathing in the exhilaration of doing risky tasks.

 

He had pondered late in the days about this, often pacing back and forth to collect his mind; and traced it back to one variable— it only happened around Feda; the kind of happiness that was different than other happinesses, a one that he liked to experience over and over and over again, whereas he didn’t care much for the kind of happiness he had for finding a hidden valuable and repeating _that_ activity, he found immense joy in being around him many times.

 

He liked the feeling of being around Feda.

 

He liked it so much, and _that_ was the horrible, terrifying aspect of that because it isn’t something you should whisper to the air in fears that the wind may take that and carry it over to a village, where one should pick it out of the currents and report it to police where Paiman would be harmed for good.

 

Feda’s eyes were closed, and there he was, pressing a gentle arm to Paiman’s own as he softly spoke. “There’s a lot of places in the Western world I’d totally visit if I could.”

 

The slightly shyer one perked up at the sentence, curious at what he’d say about Westerners. “W–Westerners?”

 

“Like in America, or Europe. There’s Los Angeles and New York City and London and Paris …” He paused briefly, stuck in thought for a moment. “Well, other places, but I’d love to explore any place in that country and be who I am. I bet that if I shout anything from my mind, I won’t have to be scared.”

 

Paiman smiled, thinking of the fantasy; being able to visit the Western world and be as rich as everyone else is in that world. He wondered what it would feel like-- would it feel any different from Ghor? Would it be as grand as Chaghcharan-- his closest getaway?

The lands might be different, and women walked about, not always remaining covered, and some showed more skin than what was legal.

 

“Have you thought about that a lot?” he responded, eyes watching the orange cast its light over them, over the cliffs and against the land. “Like, if somehow, you had the money and you could speak English, you’d go over and live like one of them? Someone who doesn’t have to be scared?”

 

Feda still didn’t look at him, just let his ears listen to the words that have flown out of his mouth. “It’d be nice, I think. I would have options. I could go to school, go to college-- or become a singer. I could even own a house and be in _control_ of myself. But . . .”

 

“But?”

 

Feda glanced at him from the corner of his eyes. “But I don’t think all of Europe or America could give me the feeling I get when I’m here, looking over the mountains. I’d be leaving this behind. I’d be leaving _you_ behind, and what’s the point of living my life when I can’t have you with me-- the person who shared my aspirations and was the first to not judge me?” He hugged his knees tighter, tilting his head away from the slightly younger boy. It was clear he felt sheepish for spewing such sentences that he had to hide his reddened expression.

 

Paiman tried to catch his eye, but Feda looked away from him. Instead, the younger boy scooched closer, pressing a leg against his own as he smiled, flashing at him a genuine expression.

 

“I don’t think that’s a life worth living either, you know, one without you-- even if I did have all of the money in the world and all the opportunities. It’d be lonely, no one to share that life with,” he said. “Look what you did to me though.” The teen’s voice was soft and sweet, and perked up the tanner one’s head. The older boy stared back at him, noting the soft graze of his skin on his own. “You opened my mind to options-- a life I should be able to plan on my own without the control of older people. I guess, that’s where you could say my life began. And after the months we’ve spent together, longing, wishing, adventuring together, it made me hope even more for . . . _independence_ , a job, a kind of happiness that I could feel all the time when I’m around you and when I look over these mountains. I want a life of my own, not one that’s decided for me where a random girl is sent to marry me. But, I want that with you, that life.”

 

The tanner teenager’s stomach twisted, a thousand things circling in his gut, and the stomp of a million camels replacing his heart. With Paiman’s seriously grinning face, kind and genuine and sweet and longing the same as him, and the beanie just holding over his ears and his hand inching closer to his by the second and his soft skin lightly touching his, it was all so incredible that he was here, in this space, choosing to be by him with the sun setting right now, it felt like he was nearly there, to an independent life that he could choose.

It felt like being drenched in a waterfall of sunshine, warmth soaking every bit of him, and his heart and stomach couldn’t contain itself because his every sense was that overwhelming.

He glanced down toward Paiman’s smiling lips, and his sparkling eyes, the dark color of the night, and his glowing pink cheeks.

 

He leaned forward and kissed his lips, bringing a hand against his cheek, gently suggesting him closer. Paiman tensed momentarily, his heart beating a million miles an hour, and his eyes fluttering shut at the melting sensation he felt. He sloppily responded, nibbling his lip to match Feda’s passionate response. It was all so fast, so odd, so different but felt so incredibly wonderful, yet, awkward.

 

Feda cradled a hand against the other’s cheek and leaned forward to fit his mouth against his. The heat of the desert seared his skin even more as he kissed him, delicately shifting his own lips against the other’s. Paiman's entire body tensed and his blood trickled loudly in his own ears. Everything felt so incredibly different, incredibly new, and yet, incredibly  _exhilarating_. But, the rising, building anxiety fought brutally against the gleeful, tranquil emotions.

  
Paiman pulled back, fingers very light on Feda’s face, which appeared lost and confused, and quickly turning bright red from embarrassment, but before he could speak, Paiman intercepted.

“I-I don’t know how-how to kiss!” he stammered out, pale cheeks increasing in a red hue, spreading quickly over his features. He swallowed, looking anywhere else but Feda’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I-I’m scared about kissing you. I don’t know how to kiss good. And . . . And this isn’t even allowed.” 

Feda blinked owlishly, face slowly relaxing. He lifted a hand to cup the light touch of Paiman’s fingers on his face, bringing back his attention. “But were you . . . enjoying it?” The smaller one’s face grew brighter.

 

“What?” he squeaked, eyes shying away once more.

 

Feda reached his other arm out, lifting his chin carefully to bring back Paiman’s focus. His eyes were wide and starry, gleaming and slightly dazed, but his palen face had drastically shifted to the color of the reddest apples in the market. “Paiman, you can tell me anything.”

 

His eyes, starry and distant and unsure-- he sputtered and laughed nervously and looked at Feda’s red face too, but his features appeared more relaxed than his, despite the blush. The younger one hesitated on the words to say, but also felt lost to find the proper words. “Yes, I was . . . Um, I felt like I was . . . flying . . . or dancing . . . or, gah, I don’t know.” He attempted to look elsewhere once more, too sheepish to meet his dear friend's gaze.

 

“Well, if it made you feel that way, then us kissing is definitely allowed here.”

 

“. . . Here?”

 

“In our world, our place, where it’s just us. Wherever we are, if it’s just us, kissing is allowed.”

 

Maybe that sentence made the boy’s stomach lurch forward, sunshine and a wave of excitement and anxiety with just a touch of screaming filled him up, propelling the engine of his heart to proceed even faster than normal.

 

Feda smiles, and his teeth reach his ears, crinkling his eyes and making his soft eyes look kinder and more beautiful and his tan skin blushing a pretty red was really taking Paiman’s focus away. “The kiss wasn’t bad at all, then, if you liked it. A kiss we both enjoy is a good one.”

 

Paiman smiles too, hands on his face, and pulling him close again before melting into the embrace and nibbling Feda’s lips with still a gentle, timidness that Feda had no problem with. He moved his arms around Paiman’s torso, softly hugging him, so sweet and kind, as if he were something to cherish.

 

The two boys slowly reeled back, taking in the other’s awe-struck eyes, bigger than the mountains of Afghanistan, where their lips were plumper and parted in a gasp, and their faces were both a deep shade of red, and their mane of hair was slightly tousled.

They examined each other, breathing slightly off, and they both grinned again. Feda guided Paiman back into his arms, legs on either side of his waist, letting his head fall against his shoulder. He pressed his face into the crook of the other boy’s neck, smiling with the happiest grin for what seemed like a millennia.

 

“I want to be in our own world,” Paiman murmured. “I don’t want to hide . . . _us_.”

 

“Neither do I,” Feda said into the nape of his neck. He placed a soft kiss against the skin, laughing gently again. “I don’t want a wife. I don’t want to follow the way of things. I want to follow what I want.”

 

“Me too,” he uttered out, breathless. “Maybe it’s not that impossible to go to that life.”

 

“We have no money, no passport . . . We can’t even speak English.”

 

“We could save up money! We just need jobs . . . and maybe we can apply for a passport.” Paiman buried his forehead into Feda’s shoulder. “We could learn English. And live in London.”

 

Feda moved Paiman’s head away from his shoulder, so it was just Paiman straddling Feda and their faces staring back at one another. “Maybe . . . Maybe freedom might not be so far away.”

 

“You think we could get to London?”

 

“No, well, not yet at least. I think . . . it’s not totally impossible to get to Chaghcharan. It’s just a few days walk, out of sight from _them_.”

 

Paiman’s eyes gleamed with hope. “We could settle in the city for a few years. And maybe, once we have enough money saved we could get a passport and plane ticket.”

 

The other boy held his cheek, stroking a thumb across his heated skin. “We’d have to work so hard to get to London.”

 

“It’s not impossible, just, really, really difficult.”

 

“Well,” the older one started, but he realized that sky had almost become completely dark, shrouding them in a dark blue with just barely surviving scraps of orange lighting the ground. “The day is over. I-- I gotta get back.”

 

Paiman’s hopeful expression dissolved, heart sinking with the cruel punch of reality striking him, tearing away from their tiny world full of their own laws and excitement. He untangled himself from Feda, wiping the dust off of his pants.

 

Feda stood slowly, watching as the more timid teen folded his arms around himself, pained to have to leave so soon. He walked toward him, brushing his fingers along his wrists and planting himself right near him, feeling his body warmth one last time before they part ways.

 

“Don’t look so sad,” Feda spoke aloud. “We’ll make our own future. We will choose our own path. Remember that.” He pressed one last kiss to his lips, causing the other to stiffen. He stepped back, taking in the appearance of his dear friend. This was his farewell, before the next day, and they would be back, standing above the mountain as if they were kings. The next time they’d meet would undoubtedly feel like an interminable stretch of time, but, patience was a key factor in everything.

  
Paiman was aware of how angry his father would be to see him home late, but, the tingly sensation of his lips, and the breathtaking feeling of anything _Feda_ , and the heat of his skin, hotter than desert sun, overpowered that fear in this moment. He would give anything to feel like this forever, to feel _happy_ and _loved._


End file.
